Overthinking and Me
I have a close relationship with my own thoughts, this issue brings me to be an introvert person. It’s a bit complicated between us. Like love hate couple in their adult age. I know when my overthinking comes, I won’t sleep, I will spend a long time busy with my mind, nothing to do but it takes a lot of energy. Seriously it’s real, I have had overthinking last night from 11 pm till 1 am then I fell slept. Suddenly, I got nightmare and it woke me up around 3 am in starving condition. I was so in shock and couldn’t handle my empty stomach anymore. It’s so noisy and annoying. I am so desperate why I get stress so easily. It leads me to hunger and hypoglycemia.
I have my first overthinking maybe when I was around 8 years
old or 3rd grade in elementary school. There was history class in
the 4th grade that I haven’t taken yet. Yeah, I thought the problem
since a year before. I was so pessimistic, perhaps now too. I said to my mom
maybe I couldn’t through 4th grade. I was thinking that It’s too
hard for me. I was not sure if I could pass it. But you know, when I studied
attended history class. I could remember all the text books in the blink of
eye, no I mean kind like so fast. I thought human history was so interesting,
it’s talk about our ancestors. We learn where we come from. Yeah, it’s so great
to know. Then I just passed it all with excellent, joining social major
competition, and couldn’t get enough there. I had a dream to be an
anthropologist, if only my parents allowed me to take social class in high
school, meh.
My overthinking journey was not stopping at that point. It
gave me nightmare every time I would had physic test in senior high school. The
worst part was when I joined camp with my whole class, I had sleep talk about
the physic subject for next week’s exam. Damn, I was so overthinking in bold
level. Every one asked me if I got too much stress about it. Yeah, it’s real
In conjunction of 6 years pursuing my dream to become a vet.
I always felt terrible for everything, yeah all of the things are new for me. I
had to remember a million strange words in medical terms, the scientific names
of mosquitos, frog, worm, lice, flea, mites, etc. In Harry Potter Movie, they
study about spelling in magic words, I can remember it within week. But how
could I survive with entire 4 years consuming all difficult terms. Crazy world
of crazy people, from head to toe I should to know the name of the bone,
muscle, nerve, and blood vessel. Don’t forget about the joint, ligaments, and
sinuses. Thanks God, I still alive now.
In my adult life, I try more chill and relax about my
thoughts. I want to spend my days only working, eating, and sleeping. I don’t
expect any happy life any more beyond it. If I have saving, maybe I will buy a
nice bag for Mom and that’s enough. My life is so simple, but my mind is
complicated. It’s nut and drives me crazy every night before sleep time. I do a
lot of exercise, journaling, crying, and have a talk with my closest friend.
But sometimes it’s not work. I tried my best to have a good mental health. The
irony possibly I am fine, just the society turn into too wild at some point
with social media as a platform for showing who want to get enjoyed. I am
consuming too many unrealistic expectations now, and it sucks.
The method I used to apply once in a while:
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Declutter my room
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Declutter my phone
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Declutter my mind
Don’t forget to speak pleasent and gently to yourself, give
words of affirmation, and always remember God is good. Thank you,
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